• Skipping Meals

    A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.” When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Why, […]

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  • Keep An Eye Out

    A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively […]

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  • My First Day….

    A seaman meets a pirate in a bar. The two men take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eyepatch. He asks, “So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?“ The pirate replies, “We were in a storm at sea, […]

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  • Chihuaha

    Two guys were walking their dogs — one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man says, “They’re not going to let dogs into the bar.” And the first guy says, “No? Watch this.” So he puts […]

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  • Three Minutes Ago

    A man died and went to Heaven. While being judged, they told him , “Before you meet with God,  I should tell you — we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us […]

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